Overly long writings about West Ham United FC. This is the kind of thing you might like, if you like this kind of thing.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

West Ham 0 - 0 Portsmouth (And Other Ramblings)

1. And Now For Something Completely Different

This weeks H List will be presented in Limerick form. This is largely because the events of this match were so incredibly tedious, and I do not wish my descendants to look back upon my writings on Ye Olde Worlde Wide Webbe and think that I wasted my time chronicling such inanities.

2. Things I Learned This Week

Jermain Defoe is dangerous still
But Carlton Cole is rot
Rob Green will save most anything
But Scott Carson will ... not

3. Right Back Atcha

Glen Johnson might steal toilet seats

But he attacks with verve unfettered
Lucas Neill clearly likes to eat
But on the left he played much better

4. The Floundering Left

Herita Ilunga has a blog
And for this I much commend him
I think I'd like him even more

If I knew he did defending

5. Upson Downs

Our centre halves are extremely large
They didn't let big Crouchy go
If only I could say the same
Of their job on wee Defoe

6. Swiss Role

The Swiss Behrami is the new crowd fave
I've not seen one run so much
The combination of psychotic commitment
And a fucking crap first touch

7. Centre Stage

The other midfielders passed it lovely
Sometimes forward, sometimes back
This led to some lovely triangles
And very few attacks

8. Elsewhere

Freddie Sears is 8 years old
And badly needs a goal
If Matthew Etherington was right footed
He'd clearly be on the dole

9. Cole Patrol

Carlton Cole is a willing trier
But the lad was clearly rusty
On the whole I find him a curious choice
For us to place our trust in

10. Hells Bells

Craig Bellamy is the new angry ant
On the field he thinks he's the boss
I might tend to agree with this
If he'd only learn to cross

11. I'm Board

So our manager is still a nice guy
But our owners are broke, disturbingly
And suddenly the vocal few are asking
"Was it that bad under ... Curbishley?"

In answer to that question visit http://thehlist.blogspot.com/2008/04/bolton-wanderers-1-0-west-ham-and-other.html


  1. I enjoyed the format of that post
    T'was a gamble, you took a punt
    Let's hope we improve for Tottenham
    And do those fucking cunts

  2. Anonymous12:34 PM

    I know i'm nine years too late, but these aren't limericks. A limerick has five lines. These are rhyming quatrains, with the rhyme scheme ABCB.

    yrs, a literary hammer.