A home game against a team who usually perform a nice slice and dice of our backside and serve it up to us on a platter. Our last two home games against Wigan have been truly dismal - imagine watching a film starring Josh Hartnett and Ashton Kutcher. Yep, that bad.
2. With Brevity
No, no - not Rufus, I mean this is going to be brief. Look people - I have a job. A not very exciting one for sure, but certainly an actual one. So I'm struggling to spin out this preview with the usual pointless meanderings that you've come to know and loathe. To that extent let me tell you something. We always lose games like this.
The opposition have come off a hiding in their last game and have no doubt spent the last week working on their defending (oh joy). We are under a bit of pressure to win and I sense an ever so slight ripple of frustration amongst the populace at Upton Park. Losing to a steady stream of crap teams away from home does make your home games even more important than they should be.
And let's face it - is it possible for a Chairman's statement that includes the phrase "Hey Alan - if you fail, it's your throat that gets cut" to ever contain a positive message?
3. That Losing Feeling
A question for you all. When was the last time West Ham played away from home in the Premiership, were awful, palpably the worse of the two teams and yet still won?
My offering is a 2-1 win at Bradford on February 24 2001. Of course we haven't won all that many since then either way, but I think you get my drift. Feel free to post some of your own suggestions at the end of this drivel.
I can supply you with a long list of teams who have managed to win at Upton Park despite being awful though.
4. A Man After My Own Heart
Dean Ashton's first thought when he heard that Eggert Magnusson was taking over - "Brilliant, perhaps he can sort me out with some more biscuits before games. I love them, it's my pre-match ritual. I especially love Bourbon Creams".
Not for Deano the revised new contract or demands for a new improved car parking spot. He went down the route of biscuits and I, for one, admire that.
He's just re-ignited my dream of being a Premiership footballer. And let's face it - watching Lee Carlsey waddle about on Sunday only added fuel to the fire.
5. December Fools Day?
We were linked with Craig Bellamy this morning in the Express. Now I don't want to seem racialist, but for God's sake - I do not want goblins in my West Ham team. I'm sorry, but it's just the way I feel.
6. The Rovers Return
If Blackburn didn't exist would any of the teams at the bottom of the Premiership have any points at all?
7. Shaun Wright Phillips Sighting
He played last night, he scored and he doesn't want to leave Chelsea. This will not deter sweet talking, sugar coating Eggert, I'd imagine. Perhaps he can use that splendid "throat slitting" line on Shaun, I bet he'd love that.
Of course, being Viking a phrase like that could be a chat up line for all we know.
8. Quotes Of The Year
These were fairly recent but I loved them both either way and I'm happy to give them frontrunner staus for any end of year awards:
New Charlton bus driver Les Reed - "Perhaps Ferenc Puskas was the first Andy Reid".
Good point Les, was young Ferenc 4 stone overweight and did he have his career ruined by a move to tottenham aswell?
Midlesbrough tea boy Malcolm Christie - "My wife was beginning to doubt I was a professional footballer at all!"
Ladies, Gentlemen, I give you Mrs Malcolm Christie, a better talent evaluator than Gareth Southgate...........