Overly long writings about West Ham United FC. This is the kind of thing you might like, if you like this kind of thing.
Showing posts with label FA Cup. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FA Cup. Show all posts

Friday, January 08, 2021

In Retro - The 50 Best West Ham Games of the Premier League Era (20 - 11)

20. Chelsea (a) 3-2 : 2002/03 Premier League
(Defoe (40), Di Canio (49, 84) - Hasselbaink (21 p), Zola (74))

In 2001, popular and populist manager Harry Redknapp was sacked by chairman Terry Brown and eventually replaced by lugubrious coach Glenn Roeder. Despite a drastically low set of expectations, Roeder steered us to a seventh place finish and in truth it looked like there were a lot of building blocks for the future. Youngsters Joe Cole, Michael Carrick and Jermain Defoe were emerging, Glen Johnson was on the way and England internationals Trevor Sinclair and David James were in place to complement the excellent strike pair of Paolo di Canio and Frederic Kanoute.  

The idea that we could get relegated in 2003 with that squad still seems absurd, but we somehow managed it, and an entire generation of outstanding youth players was wasted. However, one of the few bright spots in the season came in September when we travelled to high flying Chelsea, bottom of the league and still searching for our first win. 


Not pictured - Gary Breen, supreme

Things started poorly when Scott Minto conceded a ludicrously soft penalty and Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink scored his customary goal against us. Substitute Defoe snuffled an equaliser just before half time and then shortly after the interval Di Canio scored one of the best goals I've ever seen when he flicked up a loose ball with his right foot and smashed it home from thirty yards with his left. Even now, it perplexes me why that goal doesn't feature in more Premier League "Best of..." compilations. 

Minto carried on his tremendous day at the office by needlessly fouling Gianfranco Zola with a quarter of an hour to go and the Italian punished him with a glorious free kick. Di Canio, however, was not to be denied and with minutes to go he profited from some marvellously Mighty Ducks style Chelsea defending to pilfer a winning goal. This match was also notable for being the only time that Gary Breen would ever play well for us. What. A. Day. 


(Lanzini (3), Noble (29), Sakho (90))

When looking for reasons why Slaven Bilic remains so beloved by West Ham fans despite presiding over some truly abysmal football teams, I think you have to look at games like this. West Ham, incredibly, had not won at Anfield since 1962 before this game, which is the kind of losing record that you typically only see in wrestling where the matches are actually fucking fixed and one party isn't trying. 

But in 2015/16 both ourselves and Liverpool were different animals than we'd seen before or after. We had Dimitri Payet, while Brendan Rodgers was trying to mould a team while Simon Mignolet was in goal for him. Tough gig. 

We started brightly with Manuel Lanzini scoring after just three minutes on his full debut, and Mark Noble adding a second on the half hour after a wonderfully slapdash bit of defending from Dejan Lovren that was part falling over and part performative dance. Philippe Coutinho was then correctly sent off for a stupid lunge on Payet, which referee Kevin Friend decided to even up by sending off Noble for a perfectly fair tackle later on. It seems you still have to knock the big boys out to get a draw in the Premier League.

Diafra Sakho then broke away to score a last minute third and seal a 3-0 win at Anfield, which is the kind of sentence that thousands of West Ham fans thought they would never see in print. 


(Jones (37), Morley (60 p, 73), Marsh (80) - Sheringham (66 p))

Another day, another highly enjoyable visit to White Hart Lane. I think this Easter Monday victory lives long in the memory as it allowed thousands of teenage Hammers like me to strut around the various schools and workplaces of Essex and East London for quite a while, such was the comprehensive nature of our win. 

Things started cagily, with West Ham probably needing a win to be sure of avoiding relegation in our first Premier League season, and Spurs dangerously close to being pulled into the dogfight themselves. Peter Butler was injured early on and replaced by Steve Jones, which proved to be the turning point as he quickly ran on to an Ian Bishop through ball and smashed home his most famous goal for us. 

On the hour mark, Trevor Morley conned Kevin Scott into fouling him in the area and picked himself up to give us a two goal lead from the spot. Feeling the game needed an injection of life, Morley then went up the other end and gave away a penalty of his own to allow Teddy Sheringham to pull one back for the home team.  


I'm pretty sure this is Mike Marsh

However, with Bishop having a masterful game in the middle we never really looked like losing and Morley soon added a second after some more Ardilesian defending from Gary Mabbutt. Mike Marsh, another underrated signing, would add a late fourth as Spurs simply abandoned the notion of defending and we coasted to a thumping victory that left Spurs in 15th place and just three points above the relegation zone. Sadly, they would survive but it was enjoyably close for a while there. 



Back in 2001 the footballing world was a vastly different place. A year earlier Manchester United had withdrawn from the FA Cup in order to play in the FIFA World Club Championship and been pilloried for the decision. Unpopular anyway, this was seen as the ultimate snook cocking and a bridge too far for the English media. In typically modest fashion, United continued to refer to themselves as the holders of the trophy having won it in 1999 and their reputation was further enhanced when it emerged that they had already booked their favourite hotel in Wales for May, in anticipation of making the final again in Cardiff. 

When we were drawn against them in the Fourth Round it was a genuinely huge game, shifted to the Sunday to be covered by ITV and West Ham were given 9,000 tickets for the match. Alex Ferguson picked his strongest side, which was borderline unbeatable at the time, while we sweated over injuries to Shaka Hislop and Frederic Kanoute. The Mali striker was crucial as without him we tended to all but disappear in away games. 


Paolo, relaxing

Still, the omens weren't all that great with our back five containing the octogenarian pairing of Stuart Pearce and Nigel Winterburn, and Hislop patently unable to kick a ball. With United hammering at us early on, it never really felt like we were going to win and indeed most fans were having post traumatic flashbacks to our 7-1 defeat there a year before. 

However, the key to the victory was our brilliant homegrown midfield of Frank Lampard, Joe Cole and Michael Carrick. As Jacob Steinberg observed in The Guardian when he described this as his favourite West Ham game, the great sadness was that this performance heralded an end and not a beginning. The young trio controlled the game and gave us the platform to grow into the game and eventually steal a late winner. 

The goal itself is pretty famous, as Kanoute freed Paolo di Canio who ran into the box, ignored Fabien Barthez trying to tell him he was offside and slotted home the winner. We would be drawn away at Sunderland next, who were actually second in the league at the time, and beat them too before losing a borderline Shakespearean home quarter final to Spurs. 

I actually didn't even bother to apply for a ticket to this game, such was my pessimism, and I got what I deserved as I had to watch on TV with the rest of the world. When we were drawn at Old Trafford again a couple of years later I made sure I didn't miss out. 

We lost 6-0. 

Sometimes God is a little too on the nose, you know. Still, Let's All Do The Barthez.


(Antonio (67))

It's not often that football games live all that long in the memory. They feel important and substantial and then another one arrives five days later and suddenly that's the only game that matters. The value we ascribe to certain fixtures is rarely, if ever matched by their real life impact. It's therefore sometimes the case that you need a bit of history alongside the actual game to make it truly stick in the mind. 

So, what sets this 1-0 victory at White Hart Lane apart from the equivalent Dani game in 1996? Well, for a start this game was played in a totally different stadium. Having "lost" their attempt to win the Olympic Stadium and then benefitting from a weirdly fortuitous set of fires on land where they wanted to build, Spurs then spent $1 billion on building their new, incredible home. It might feature a cheese room, and ludicrous, unnecessary extras but it is undeniably an astonishing place to watch football, and will stand as an eternal monument to the half arsed job that was done on our new place. 

But if the stadia aren't comparable then all that remained was for us to go and make the pitch our own. And with Spurs unbeaten in their new home with no goals conceded, that looked a pretty formidable ask for Manuel Pellegrini's new look West Ham, who had picked up just one point from their previous eight away games and were struggling to cope with their managers indecipherable prognostications about having a "big club mentality". 

However, with Spurs focusing half an eye on their Champions League semi final with Ajax, it's also true that this was a good time to be playing them even if they did play their best available team. The game started in a characteristically frenetic style and Spurs edged a first half in which our influential forward Marko Arnautovic touched the ball just seven times. He would make up for this in the second period however, alongside Mark Noble who simply took the game over and began to pull the strings in the same way as Bishop in 1994. 

Eventually, on 67 minutes, Arnautovic got free on the right, picked out Michail Antonio and the striker smashed home the first opposition goal at the new White Hart Lane, and then celebrated by pretending to hump a donkey on a space hopper. As you do. 

Things got a bit Twilight Zone thereafter when the two best chances in the rest of the game fell to our marauding centre back Issa Diop and an enthusiastic amateur footballer by the name of Vincent Janssen who won a competition to play up front for Spurs for the final twenty minutes. 

Still, we held on and, as with The Emirates, planted an eternal flag as the deserved first winners at the new North London stadium. We were all also introduced to those to two Spurs lads who film themselves watching matches and, well, more from them later. 


(Boa Morte (30), Benayoun (57), Harewood (82))

I don't know if you guys recall this, but there was a stage in the 2006/07 season when it seemed like we might go down. In fact, after a Wes Craven directed last minute defeat to Spurs in March we were bottom of the league, 11 points from safety, without an away win all season and facing a run-in that involved trips to Arsenal and Manchester United. So, in summary, we were fucked. 

To add to the mess, controversial summer signing Carlos Tevez had still not scored all season and his pal Javier Mascherano was apparently stuffing his face with pizza in a Docklands flat having failed to displace Hayden Mullins from our midfield. Still, by the time we got to Wigan, things were slightly brighter after unlikely wins over Blackburn Rovers, Everton and Arsenal, sandwiched around a truly awful defeat at relegation rivals Sheffield United. 

At one point it looked as though Tevez might not play in this game as the club had to mount the first of several legal defences regarding the validity of his registration. They emerged triumphant - in a fashion - with a record £5.5m fine, and the Argentine played and starred in this remarkable win. 

Things began with a huge army of Hammers heading north on coaches paid for by the players, at the arrangement of Lucas Neill and Nigel Reo-Coker. With around 7,000 fans packed in behind the goal there was a tangible fission of excitement on the air. A win would pull us level with Wigan and put increasing pressure on the likes of the faltering Sheffield United and Fulham. 


Boa Morte scores. Horsemen of the Apocalypse on their way

After an opening half an hour where we were well on top, Neill launched a through ball for Luis Boa Morte to run on to. Wigan keeper John Filan weighed up all possible options and chose the worst one available by running directly at Boa Morte, who lobbed him for his first goal in claret and blue. He would literally have been better off doing The Barthez,

Bobby Zamora could have made it two before half time, but we would soon seal the win with a fabulous breakaway goal where Tevez, Zamora and George McCartney would combine to set up Yossi Benayoun. Substitute Marlon Harewood added a late third, and The Great Escape was well and truly on. 

In the end, Sheffield United would end up being relegated, which I'm sure everyone would agree was a shame. Oddly, the long trip home was punctuated by seeing demoralised Charlton Athletic fans who had travelled to watch their team play at Blackburn Rovers as part of Alan Pardew's inspired "Operation Ewood" escape plan. They lost 4-1. 

Our karmic retribution would come in the summer when Henry Winter, Neil Warnock and a confused judge would request we pay £25m to Sheffield United over the Tevez affair. Still, we'll always have that goal from Luis Boa Morte. 


(Kouyate (43), Zarate (57))

Back to 2015/16 and back to those improbable away results conjured up by Slaven Bilic. On the opening day we made the short trip to The Emirates where it was reasonable to assume that we were going to get our usual hiding at the hands of Arsene Wenger's men, especially as we had only just returned from being dumped out of Europe at the hands of Romanian powerhouse Astra Giurgiu, or Astra Fucking Goo Goo to give them their full title. While it's true that the Arsenal of 2015 wasn't the Arsenal of 2005 it is also true that they weren't the shower that we've seen parading around the Premier League recently, so we were heavy underdogs.

The game was an entertaining affair, played out in bright sunshine and with a pleasing flow. New signing Angelo Ogbonna was rock solid at the back, while 16 year old Reece Oxford made Mesut Ozil disappear long before it became as fashionable as it is now. But the real star was new boy Dimitri Payet, who played in a nominal left wing role and was simply majestic. He crossed just before half time for Cheikhou Kouyate to give us the lead, while Petr Cech conducted an experiment in finding out exactly how badly a goalkeeper could misjudge a dive. 

The Czech's misery continued later when Mauro Karate fired past him from twenty yards and we hung on to seal a comfortable win. Notably Matt Jarvis and Kevin Nolan appeared as late substitutes, signifying a kind of handover from the old Allardyce era to what seemed like it might be a sun drenched modern adventure under Bilic. We lost 4-3 to Bournemouth a week later. Never change, lads. 


(Son (1), Kane (8, 16) - Balbuena (82), Sanchez (OG 85), Lanzini (90)) 

Oh baby. Lanziniiiiiiiiiiii!

You shouldn't really have a draw this high in a list of your greatest games, but then again you shouldn't draw a game where you are three goals down with eight minutes to play. For all those hundreds of games we watch and attend, for all those insipid defeats and tedious draws that we immediately consign to the wastepaper bin of history, it only takes one game like this to make you remember precisely why you first fell in love with the game. Football, bloody hell. 

To the neutral this must have been a bizarre match to watch. Spurs opened the scoring within a minute when we decided not to bother tackling Heung Min-Son, and Harry Kane soon added another couple. All three goals were brilliantly conceived and executed and at that point for West Ham fans it was simply a case of how many more they would score, and how much longer we would be able to keep watching. 

But Jose Mourinho isn't a coach to ever let loose the handbrake and David Moyes has imbued his team with a steel that hasn't been seen in a West Ham team for quite some time. Even at 3-0 we were still playing alright, with the obvious caveat that the home team had mostly gone into a mode of containment and were content to wait for chances to hit us on the break. As it was, Kane was denied a perfect hat trick by the post, and then everything went...nuts.


Manuel Lanzini. I love you

First, Fabien Balbuena made up for some questionable defending on the Son goal to head a consolation, and then Andriy Yarmolenko and Vladimir Coufal combined to force Davinson Sanchez to head a bit more consolation into his own net, and suddenly we had five minutes of hope left. The pivotal moment arrived when keen golfer and amateur footballer Gareth Bale went through and ruined his coming home party by shooting wide with the goal at his mercy. Reprieved, we went up the other end and with four minutes of added time already in the book Manuel Lanzini smashed home a thirty yarder off the underside of the bar, Moyes did a little jig on the touchline, we all felt extremely consoled and Mourinho took it all with the customary good grace for which he is famous. Oh, to have been in the away end when that went in. 

Better still, whenever I think of this game I am reminded of this - the best, and most dramatically executed headphone push of all time. 


No. No. No. No. NO. NO!


(Reo-Coker (25), Zamora (32), Etherington (80) - Henry (45), Pires (89))

Another entry into the history books and arguably the most unlikely victory on this list. In 2006, Arsenal were in the middle of Arsene Wenger's reign and as strong as ever. Filled with world class superstars, they were especially formidable at Highbury in their final season there before moving to The Emirates. They would lose just two home league games all season and this, famously, was one. 

We weren't in great shape going in to this game as we had no right back, with Tomas Repka having headed  back to the Czech Republic a couple of weeks previously, and were thus forced to deploy the extremely left footed Clive Clarke there. Things began predictably as Arsenal swarmed all over us, and Robin van Persie slammed a strike against the woodwork, but having battled through the initial flurry we broke away and took the lead as Sol Campbell channelled his inner Gary Breen and Nigel Reo-Coker snatched an opener. Seven minutes later Bobby Zamora slapped Campbell around like a piñata and curled home a beautiful second and all of a sudden it was one of those nights. 

Arsenal, however, remained Arsenal and Thierry Henry snatched one back on the stroke of half time to keep us all fidgeting. On another day the immense pressure applied to us in the second half would have seen a comfortable Arsenal win but between a heroic defensive performance, Shaka Hislop's heroics and some good old fashioned luck we kept them at bay. With just ten minutes left, Reo-Coker won the ball back high up the pitch and set up Matthew Etherington whose shot deflected twice on its way in. Sometimes it's just meant to be. 

Robert Pires did score in the 89th minute because why not, but we held on for a famous win and became the last away team to win at Highbury. Deliciously, we would then become the first team to win at The Emirates where Zamora bagged us a 1-0 win the following season as part of The Great Escape in another game that narrowly failed to make this list. 


(Sinclair (35), Moncur (43), Di Canio (65 p), J Cole (70), Lampard (83) - Windass (30), Beagrie (44 p), Lawrence (47, 51)

I know what you're thinking - just another typical 1-0 down, 2-1 up, 4-2 down, 5-4 victory. But this might be the definitive game of the Harry Redknapp era as it showcased almost everything good and bad about that time. We began the game in 10th position with the sense of yet another lost season hanging over the ground. Our main focus had been on the League Cup where we made a run to the quarter finals and actually beat Aston Villa in a thrilling, pulsating game that ended up being settled on penalties. 

In the purest West Ham fashion imaginable we then ended up having to replay that match after it emerged that substitute Manny Omoyimni, who didn't actually touch the ball while on the pitch, had already played in the competition and was cup tied. Rather than chuck us out of the competition as they probably should have done, the league let us replay the game knowing full well that would be a more painful process, and they were right as we lost 3-1 and Paolo di Canio missed a fateful penalty. 

By the time Shaka Hislop broke his leg two minutes into this game it seemed like more of the same. On came the much hyped young reserve goalkeeper Stephen Bywater, who looked like he was borrowing his big brothers kit, and played like he was wearing his mums oven gloves. 

Incredibly the game was still goalless on the half hour mark when Dean Windass headed in a corner with Bywater rooted to his line. Trevor Sinclair quickly equalised before John Moncur got in on the act with a screamer of a goal to give us the lead and then immediately conceded a soft penalty that Peter Beagrie put away. 

The key observation from those of us in the ground at this point was that in order to win the game it seemed pretty imperative that everybody did their best to ensure Bywater wasn't required to touch the ball for the rest of the match as he appeared never to have seen one before. Sadly this ploy failed as Jamie Lawrence took advantage of two further howlers to give the visitors a (sort of) shock 4-2 lead. 

While all this was going on Di Canio was engaged in a seemingly endless battle with referee Neale Barry as he was denied penalties on at least two occasions where the foul was certainly worse than Moncur's in the first half. After the second of this he ran across to the bench and demanded to be taken off, sitting down on the turf and generally turning in the kind of performance that would get you booed offstage in the West End for being too hammy. Instead of treating this as a shocking lack of professionalism everybody just shrugged and said "That's Paolo" and sang his name. {Insert eye roll gif}

Shortly after, Paul Kitson was fouled and the penalty was finally given. Nominated penalty taker Frank Lampard picked up the ball only to find Di Canio trying to wrestle it off him. Being a well run and thoroughly professional outfit everybody told Di Canio to piss off and reminded him that he'd missed his last penalty and wait, oh no, we let him take it because we're about as professional as your average Sunday League team. 

Anyway, he scored and everyone sang his name so that was great. {Insert eye roll gif}. A few minutes later Trevor Sinclair set up Joe Cole for the equaliser, and with Bradford quite rightly still reasoning that if they could just get a shot on target they'd win, everybody stopped defending and it was all tremendous fun. 

With seven minutes to go, Lampard got some sense of redemption when he picked up a Di Canio pass and smashed home a left footed winner from the edge of the box. What a springboard for the rest of the season, I hear you say. Not really, we lost 4-0 at home to Everton the next week. 


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In Retro - The 50 Best West Ham Games of the Premier League Era (30 - 21)

 30. Chelsea (h) 2-1 : 2015/16 Premier League

(Zarate (17), Carroll (79) - Cahill (56))

The 2015/16 season remains a curiosity in the Premier League archives, largely because it took the unusual step of actually being interesting. Most West Ham fans look back upon the season as a great success as we marauded to 7th in the league behind the brilliant Dimitri Payet and generally played entertaining football that proved a stunning antidote to that produced by Sam Allardyce.

Personally I felt it was a missed opportunity. Manager Slaven Bilic didn't seem to have much more tactical acumen than just telling his team to give it to Payet whenever possible, and as with so many before and after him, he chose to discard effective combinations elsewhere in order to crowbar Andy Carroll into his side. On certain days however, that strategy was to prove exceptionally effective and this was one. 

Jose Mourinho's side arrived here as champions but finished the day in 15th as Upton Park offered up yet another barnstorming London derby and sent another local rival home sheepish in defeat. We opened the scoring early with a smart strike from Mauro Zarate, and held that lead comfortably as Chelsea then saw Nemanja Matic correctly sent off for two yellow cards. 



Mourinho in repose - 2015, Artist Unknown

At this point Chelsea went collectively mental, everybody got booked and Mourinho was sent to the Directors Box, which produced this absolutely gorgeous Renaissance painting of a photo when we would later score our winner. In the intervening period, however, Chelsea would shape up pretty well with ten men and Gary Cahill bagged a deserved equaliser. 

With time slipping away Bilic sent on Carroll, which is akin to releasing a lion in a classroom to sort out an unruly set of teenagers. Even so, Carroll thunderbastarded an Aaron Cresswell cross into the net with ten minutes to go and the roof nearly came off the ground. We went up to third and then promptly lost 2-0 at Watford a week later to highlight why it would be Leicester and not us who would take advantage of a season of madness. 


(Amalfitano (21), Sakho (75) - Silva (77))

When Sam Allardyce arrived at Upton Park, this was what we were promised. A well organised team, sprinkled with skilful attackers in front of a solid defence and a few bloody noses for the big boys. In truth, he didn't particularly deliver on that but he did briefly stumble upon an exciting looking combination in the first half of the 2014/15 season. 

This game is included primarily because Manchester City were the real deal at this point, and defending champions to boot. They came fully armed with the likes of Sergio Aguero, David Silva and Yaya Toure and this victory remains one of the few times we have laid a glove on them in the modern era. 

This West Ham team was anchored around the wonderful Alex Song, who was magnificent this season, and led by the attacking duo of Enner Valencia and Diafra Sakho who feasted on service from a rejuvenated Stewart Downing. 

We opened the scoring here when Song and Valencia combined to set up  Morgan Amalfitano for a tap in. We then rode our luck quite significantly as City did the cross bar challenge for an hour. Sakho seemed to have wrapped it up with a thumping header late on, but a frankly brilliant Silva goal meant the last ten minutes were terrifying. Still, we held on and rose to fourth before Allardyce changed the system to try and get Carroll back into the team. We won just three games after Christmas and finished the season in twelfth. 

Another waste. 


(Zamora (57))

While I don't generally have fond recollections of our Play Off adventures as I think they simply tend to highlight the debacle that various boards have made of running the club, it's also true that as purely theatrical events they can't really be beaten. 

This was no different, although by this stage these games had devolved into paralysing, nervy affairs rather than the free flowing buccaneering matches of old. 


The. Exact. Same. Haircut

This match was particularly tight, as Preston seemed to freeze a little, perhaps wary of the growing tradition for sixth place teams to arrive in the play offs and beat those who had finished above them. We actually started the better team and some unholy combination of events led to Tomas Repka hitting the post in the first half. Preston improved after the break, albeit we continued to look more threatening and it wasn't all that surprising when man of the moment Bobby Zamora swept in a Matthew Etherington cross to give us the lead. 

After that we retreated to defend our advantage and try and hit them on the break, which did wonders for cardiac health in the East End, and also threw in a horrific looking injury to goalkeeper Jimmy Walker as well. 

We clung on, as we probably deserved to, but in truth I think there were very few fans who watched this game and felt particularly confident about Pardew's men in the Premier League. Still, a day to say you were there and it felt like something approaching a catharsis considering that we had lost the equivalent match a year previously with a dismal display against Crystal Palace. 


(Soucek (45), Antonio (51), Yarmolenko (89) - Willian (42 p, 72))

Ah, the London Stadium! There aren't too many matches from the Indian burial site on this list, largely because we've been almost unrelentingly shit since we've moved there, but this one from the middle of a pandemic makes the cut. 

At the start of the day we were out of the bottom three solely on goal difference and seemingly staring relegation in the face after an especially insipid 2-0 defeat to Spurs. However, the arrival of Tomas Soucek and Jarrod Bowen had given an added thrust to our attack while Michail Antonio was about to go on one of those red hot streaks that make him such a favourite for Fantasy League managers. 

Here we were mugged initially, when a Soucek goal was bizarrely ruled out by VAR on the grounds that Antonio was lying down in an offside position, and made to pay immediately when Willian gave Chelsea an undeserved lead. However, the Czech midfielder wasn't to be denied and headed us level right on half time. Antonio soon gave us the lead before Willian smashed in a fantastic free kick to leave us staring at a, frankly, not terrible point. However, Andriy Yarmolenko got free in the last minute to run on to an Antonio through ball and steal all three points and, essentially, seal our survival. The Ukranian is a bit of a poster boy for the stupidity of the Pellegrini/Sullivan axis but there's no doubt about him on two fronts - firstly, he should never be given any defensive responsibility, and secondly, he is deadly if you let him on his left foot. 

For all that I think we have actually benefitted from not having to play in front of crowds, I can't help wishing I had been there to see this particular last minute winner. Not that I don't generally enjoy the fruity conversation while we all stand aimlessly at a Stop/Go sign in the middle of the set of 28 Days Later but it would all have felt just a touch more romantic on this balmy July evening.  


(Moses (6), Sakho (31) - De Bruyne (45)

In truth, the reverse fixture from this season was a better game - a pulsating 2-2 draw that saw a Dimitri Payet masterclass at Upton Park. However, it also worth remembering that this was a win against the then most expensive starting line up in Premier League history, and the first defeat of the season for the unbeaten City. This remains our only league win at the Etihad and for that reason I have included it here - you just don't win there very much these days. 

Things began well when Victor Moses beat Joe Hart low to his left from long range (who knew?), and got even better when Diafra Sakho added a second on the half hour following a goalmouth scramble. Kevin de Bruyne pulled one back on his home debut but Adrian was unbeatable in a lively second half and we hung on for a remarkable victory. 

This win actually took us into second place but we would draw the following match at home to Norwich which was entirely in keeping with our wildly unpredictable form this year. I can't think of many sides who could win successive away matches at Arsenal, Liverpool and Manchester City and still lose 4-3 at home to Bournemouth but that was to be our lot this season. I don't think Slaven Bilic was a great manager, but you can't deny that he managed some great results. 


(Carragher (OG 21), Ashton (28), Konchesky (64) - Cisse (32), Gerrard (54, 90)) 1-3 on penalties

Too soon? It's too soon, right?

I still can't really talk about this game. Objectively it's probably the best Cup Final of the modern era and subjectively, the bravest West Ham performance I've ever seen, but I still can't even really devote any emotional real estate to it. It simply makes me sad. 


Yes, it's too soon

We had some luck in the semi final when we were drawn against Middlesbrough and Liverpool were left to deal with Jose Mourinho's borderline invincible Chelsea, a team we had little chance of beating. As it was, Rafa Benitez took care of his long time nemesis and we met in the match that was once the highlight of the English season. 

Truthfully, we should have won - even Alan Hansen was to admit as much in his BBC column - but were denied by the force of nature that is Steven Gerrard. I can't deny the brilliance of the man but I begrudged him that day. He won plenty in his career. This one was ours. 

Things began brightly when Dean Ashton and Lionel Scaloni combined to force Jamie Carragher into putting through his own net. Ashton followed up with a second shortly after and I admit that I foolishly began to dream. Gerrard, however, was just revving up and he soon set up Djibril Cisse for the first Liverpool goal and then smacked home an equaliser. Boyhood Hammers fan Paul Konchesky then fluked a cross into the net to put us 3-2 ahead and it seemed that he would be the hero of the day until a moment of oft overlooked controversy. 

In injury time, with West Ham in possession we put the ball out to allow a Liverpool player to receive treatment, but when the ball was thrown back to Scaloni he was immediately pressured by Liverpool players. It's not a huge scandal - it was the last minute after all - but faced with that pressure the Argentine miskicked it aimlessly to the middle of the park. From there the ball was headed out to an exhausted Gerrard who, well you know. 

Extra time continued in the same vein and despite our evident physical superiority we couldn't snatch the winner we deserved. In a moment of huge pathos, our own brilliant skipper Nigel Reo-Coker headed against the bar and the rebound fell to the injured Marlon Harewood who screwed the ball wide with the goal gaping. On such moments do cup finals hang, and we then took the worst set of fucking penalties in history and that was all she wrote. As a game this should be higher, and as an emotional experience this probably shouldn't be on the list at all. I'll let you decide whether this rating feels right. 


(Zamora (61, 72))

Context needed. 

In 2004 we had powered into the play offs, lost our first leg game at Portman Road and then simply blown Ipswich away in the return leg. This time around we needed a final day victory at Watford to edge out Reading and claim sixth place, and in truth while there is often a narrative around destiny that is attached to teams who finish sixth, we were a nervy bunch heading into the 2005 iteration. 

In a twist of fate we faced Ipswich again, but this time with the first leg at Upton Park. We blitzed them once more to go two up before collapsing and letting them get away with a slightly undeserved draw. Much of the pre match discussion therefore focused on whether we would crumble as Ipswich had done a year earlier in the second leg - traditionally games that end up being on the insane side of mental. With a younger team featuring Elliot Ward and Anton Ferdinand at centre back, I suppose that wasn't completely crazy but we made a mockery of such fears with a splendid display. Again, Tomas Repka was an unlikely early threat but the real damage was done by Bobby Zamora who scored two second half goals, with the second being a fantastic first time cushioned volley, off an inch perfect through ball from strike partner Marlon Harewood.

Actually, both goals were created by Harewood who was in fine form, while Matthew Etherington was sublime and for a second consecutive year we brushed Ipswich aside pretty easily. They must hate us down there. 


(Sheringham (46), Reo-Coker (62), Etherington (80) - Todd (18))

Just a few months after that victorious night at Portman Road we were back in the Premier League after a two year absence. These days I think there is an acceptance that the gap between the bottom of the top flight and the top of the Championship is pretty minimal. However, in 2005 we snuck up with a squad of players picked up from other Championship teams and then supplemented them with a number of other largely unproven types like Danny Gabbidon, James Collins and Yossi Benayoun. 

Over time those fears would be dispelled, and probably should have been dispensed with the minute we saw that Blackburn were captained by Andy Todd, but after we went one down in the first half (to a goal by Todd, naturally) there was a communal sense of nervousness. 

With the rain falling, and the team kicking towards the Bobby Moore end, there was a general feeling on the air that something special needed to happen.  Teddy Sheringham got things going by rolling in an equaliser after Todd turned back into a pumpkin, and then Nigel Reo-Coker smashed home a fabulous second just after an hour. 


Better than we remember, I think

We extended our lead with a late goal from Matthew Etherington and everyone went home feeling pretty good about our newly minted young side, except for Mark Hughes, which just added to the glorious sense of occasion. 


(Dicks (55 p), Kitson (68, 90) - Vialli (26), Hughes (87)) 

Upton Park under the lights, man. Was there anywhere better to watch football? Well, yes, when you're watching your team lose to Stoke, but on other nights you'd swear the place was doused in magic. 

By March 1997 we were slumped in the bottom three and desperately pinning our hopes on the newly arrived strike pairing of John Hartson and Paul Kitson. The squad was a slightly strange mix of the old - Dicks, Potts, Bishop, Dowie, Breacker - and the new - Porfirio, Lampard, Ferdinand, Williamson - and while that may have looked good on paper, it was turning out to be pretty shit on actual grass. 

This was shaping up to be another typically disappointing night when a Bishop mistake allowed Gianfranco Zola to slip in Gianluca Vialli for an opening goal. This held until the 55th minute when Julian Dicks nearly took the net off when he smashed home the equalising penalty. Not long after, Kitson smartly gave us the lead but we seemed to have blown it when Mark Hughes headed an 87th minute equaliser. Undeterred we went up the other end in injury time and Kitson smuggled in an Iain Dowie header to give us a deserved, and vital, win. 

I once wrote of Upton Park that as Neil Young said, "when she danced we could really love", and this was one such night. Songs rising up to the roof and then bouncing around the place and seemingly dragging the team forward like an invisible magnetic force. Looking back, Kitson's winner wasn't so much an event at a football match as it was a cosmic certainty. It's not that the London Stadium can't offer up such moments but they seem totally out of place when they arrive. At Upton Park they were constantly hovering just out of sight, permanently imminent like a song you hear in the back of your mind, or a fight in a McDonalds. God, I miss that place. 


(Antonio (7))

Some games of football carry a weight. From the day I got up on the March 2, 2016 until the moment the final whistle blew I carried a lead lined blanket on my chest. This was the last time Spurs would visit Upton Park, this was their first chance of going top of the league in March since 1964 and it's not an exaggeration to say that this felt like the pivotal game in the title race so far. A win was really the only acceptable outcome. 

We were battling injuries, and indeed finished this game with a back three of Cheikhou Kouyate, a hobbling Angelo Ogbonna and teenager Reece Oxford. It didn't matter, as we dominated from start to finish and totally outplayed a Spurs team who didn't manage a shot in the first half and did nothing to dispel the myth that they tended to bottle the big occasion. 


Would I let him drive me home? No, but the man scores big goals

From the moment that Michail Antonio headed in a Dimitri Payet corner in the 7th minute, the away supporters were forced to stand in silence and watch as Slaven Bilic wrung yet another manic performance from his charges. Payet was supreme but so too were Mark Noble and Manuel Lanzini, while the famed Tottenham pressing game foundered repeatedly on a rock solid backline. 

It's true that when I researched this piece I could have picked about twenty games with Spurs. The really sad truth is that for all the drama and late goals, for Spurs they have generally been winners and for us they've typically been equalisers. But when we've won games, they've really meant something in terms of stopping Spurs. I'd really rather that these matches were about our success rather than their failure but I suppose that's the truth of the era we're currently in. So yeah, fuck it, we derailed their first title bid in years and it was really rather enjoyable. 



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In Retro - The 50 Best West Ham Games of the Premier League Era (40 - 31)

 40. Derby (a) 5-0 : 2007/08 Premier League

(Bowyer (42, 59), Etherington (51), Lewis (OG 55), Solano (69))

Any assessment of this game needs to acknowledge that this Derby County side was - quite literally - the worst to have ever played in the Premier League. They won one game all season, mustered just eleven points and generally played with all the natural athleticism and skill of the prison guards in Mean Machine. 

That said, when we played them we had most of the first team out injured because it was November and that's the law, so the context was that Derby were pretty optimistic about beating us that day. As things turned out, they were suitably crap and Alan Curbishley's reserves were well organised enough to take the lead before halftime with a smart Lee Bowyer goal. Thereafter we went mental, scoring four times in twenty four minutes after the interval before everyone agreed that things were getting embarrassing now and we took pity on Derby and declared. 

The rare, contented Bowyer

Upon reflection this game might be most remarkable as the day we finally saw what we had in Bowyer, whose signing caused such controversy at the time and who never really captured the form that had made him such an electrifying player for Leeds in earlier years. On his day - and this was his day - he was an excellent midfielder. 

As far as away days go, I'm not sure they come much more fun than this. 


39. Manchester United (h) 4-0 : 2010/11 League Cup

(Spector (22, 37), C Cole (56, 66))

Now this was a weird game of football. By early evening most of East London was under snow so my dad and I agreed that given West Ham's state of the art pitch defrosting system consisted mainly of pouring hot water on the lines, we could safely assume the game was off. I went to the pub and was fairly surprised when I found out the game was going ahead, and then absolutely fucking startled when Jonathan Spector scored twice inside 37 minutes to put us two goals up. Carlton Cole added a pair of his own in the second half and in general we absolutely battered the visitors. 

There is no doubt that the Manchester United side was missing most of their stars but it's also true that we fielded such legends as Pablo Barrera, Tal Ben Haim and Radoslav Kovac. Looking back it's not all that hard to understand how we were eventually relegated in last place. 

Still, under the astute tactical guidance of legendary manager Avram Grant, we actually advanced all the way to the semi finals of this competition and were somehow 3-1 up on aggregate with just 31 minutes to go in the second leg, before collapsing and getting knocked out by Birmingham City. 

In the darkness of an exceptionally bad season, this result was a tremendous bright spot. 


38. Charlton (a) 4-4 : 2000/01 Premier League

(Kitson (3, 30, 64), Defoe (84) - Euell (21, 28), Johansson (51, 90))

It's possible that there has been a worse defensive performance than this in the Premier League but click on the link above and check this one out so you have a baseline, at least. Quite how our back four didn't involve a juggler on a unicycle, a seal balancing a ball on his nose and a real life actual clown remains a bit of a mystery. 

For all that, terrible defending can often lead to fun games and this was no exception. We scored early through Paul Kitson and then stood spraying water out of plastic flowers as Jason Euell scored twice in quick succession. Kitson equalised with the best goal of the night and had to do so again just after the hour once we'd allowed Jonathon Johansson to run unmolested through what we were at that point laughingly calling our back line. 

Glenn Roeder then brought on Jermain Defoe to a chorus of boos as a result of him having left Charlton for us as a kid and he looked to have snatched victory with a fine late volley. Sadly, we couldn't hold on as Johansson scored a last minute overhead kick, despite the best efforts of our defenders on unicycles, to cap one of the most entertaining games in Premier League history. 


37. Southampton (h) 3-3 : 1993/94 Premier League

(Williamson (11), Allen (62), Monkou (OG 90) - Le Tissier (45, 65 p), Maddison (52))

One of the great unspoken joys of being a football fan is that from time to time you are able to experience opposition players at the height of their powers. The real pleasure is in being able to beat them, of course, but from time to time it's enough to simply luxuriate in their presence on your patch of grass. 


Not the sturdiest looking wall I've ever seen

Matthew Le Tissier was one such player. It helped that he played for Southampton and not one of the bigger teams, where he would have inevitably become hated. Instead he stayed on the south coast and spent his career performing miracles to keep a generally limited team in the league. On this afternoon, yet another final day extravaganza, Saints needed points to stay in the division as one of four teams facing the drop, while Upton Park was packed as fans took the chance to say farewell to the old North Bank. In many ways this was the end of a very specific era - this was a farewell to terracing and the English game and welcome to Sky, globalisation and the gradual removal of football from the place it previously existed in our society. 

So we scored early through home debutant Danny Williamson, before Le Tissier began bending the game to his will. He equalised with a sumptuous free kick, and then set up Neil Maddison to head the visitors into a vital lead. As the heavens opened Martin Allen levelled things up before Le Tissier scored his second from the spot. With just seconds remaining and chaos in the ground as fans were again spilling on to the pitch, Ken Monkou headed an own goal to briefly threaten Saints attempt at staying up. 

As it was, their point was enough, and we all got to witness a bravura performance from a giant of the era. It's a rare day when opposition fans truly enjoy an enemy player but I loved watching Le Tissier and I greatly respected the loyalty that tied him to his first club when he could really have gone anywhere. Perhaps that is why he was so widely admired - because at heart he did what all fans would love to have done. He played for his hometown team, become their best ever player, turned down millions elsewhere and retired a legend. For Matt Le Tissier, read every kid in the country. What a player. 


36. Spurs (h) 2-1 : 2005/06 Premier League

(Fletcher (10), Benayoun (80) - Defoe (35))

More final day drama and this time it is one of the few Premier League games that can be summed up with a single word. And with this being West Ham, that word naturally is...lasagne. 

With Spurs a point ahead of Arsenal heading into the final game of the season, and with us a week away from our first cup final for twenty five years, there was a lot of trepidation heading into this game. As much as it would have been delicious to deny Spurs their first Champions League campaign, most fans were adamant that the first team needed to be rested to avoid inevitable injury. 

In the end, Alan Pardew mixed and matched playing his first choice defence but resting most of his attacking options. The real drama, however, was taking place off the pitch as the Spurs squad was struck down with a dose of food poisoning and spent most of the morning of the match throwing up. Despite their best efforts to get the fixture postponed, the Premier League were having none of it and the game went ahead at the same time as Arsenal were facing Wigan in the last ever match at Highbury. 


Chefs Kiss

We started the brighter, unsurprisingly as most of the Spurs players were on their knees, and Carl Fletcher smashed home the opener after just ten minutes. In truth, Spurs put on a pretty brave display in the circumstances and former Hammer Defoe burgled an equaliser before half time. The second half started with Teddy Sheringham missing a penalty against his former side (notice the difference there?) and continued manically amid the news that Arsenal were somehow contriving to lose to Wigan. 

The universe righted itself, however, and the Gunners were soon in front and then Yossi Benayoun crafted an outstanding winner with just ten minutes to play. He latched on to a back heel from Marlon Harewood - which was hard - drifted past Michael Dawson - which was not - and then lifted the ball into the roof of the net. Cue pandemonium and the possibly apocryphal tale of Arsenal fans singing "Bubbles" at Highbury. 


35. Blackpool (N) 2-1 : 2011/12 Play Off Final

(C Cole (35), Vaz Te (87) - Ince (48))

I debated for a long time about including this game. In some ways it is more a monument to the club's failures than a moment of glory, but I suppose that at times it is worth acknowledging that winning big games at Wembley isn't something that happens every day. 

We found ourselves in the Play Offs courtesy of too many draws over a long campaign, but it's worth acknowledging that Sam Allardyce did a terrific job in taking the wreckage of the Avram Grant era and moulding it into something half decent. Facing us were Blackpool, who had played pretty well all season under Ian Holloway but actually finished eleven points behind us in the league, while we won the two league fixtures against them by an aggregate score of 8-1. It felt like a game we couldn't really lose, whilst also feeling exactly like a game we would lose. 

In truth the match was pretty scrappy, but Carlton Cole scored an excellently crafted goal before half time to give us the lead. 


Tom Ince, son of noted Hammers enthusiast Paul, then scored an oddly similar looking equaliser, and when Kevin Nolan thumped a fabulous volley against the bar in the closing stages it felt like extra time was inevitable. As it was, Nolan and Cole combined to set up Ricardo Vaz Te to slam home an 87th minute winner and spark wild scenes in the West Ham end. The play offs are tremendous - now let us never play in another again. 


34. Bolton (a) 3-0 : 1994/95 Premier League

(Bishop (46), Cottee (68), Williamson (89))

An esoteric choice perhaps, but a personal favourite. Back in the Nineties it felt to me as though we won away games with the same frequency that bands I liked appeared on Top of the Pops. In the three year period from 1993 - 1996, for example, we played 59 away games and won 11. So those victories became important due to their scarcity and this is one that lives in the memory of the frozen teenage me who watched this from the open terraces next to the supermarket that occupied the corner of Burnden Park. 

Bolton, in truth, were not very good and ended up being relegated after finishing bottom. However, at the point we played them in November we were in our usual bottom half strife and coming off a thumping 4-1 home defeat to Villa. 

However, we exploded into life here as three excellent goals from Ian Bishop, Tony Cottee and Danny Williamson sealed a comprehensive win. The latter, in particular, was an outstanding solo effort whereby Williamson picked up the ball in his own box and ran the length of the pitch before smashing it home with his left foot. Nary a tackle to be seen, of course, but like I said - Bolton were pretty crap. A rare Northern foray where we returned with the points, and to punish us we have not won at Bolton since. 


33. Manchester City (a) 1-0 : 2002/03 Premier League

(Kanoute (81))

Hmm. Should any game from this dismal season really be making this list? And if it's going to be any then shouldn't it be the nails-to-the-quick home victory over Chelsea a week later? Perhaps, indeed probably yes, but I've gone for this simply due to the madness around the game. A week earlier we had snatched a 1-0 victory over Middlesbrough, only for manager Glenn Roeder to then be admitted to hospital with a serious blockage to the brain. In addition, I can't quite divorce my recollection of that Chelsea game from the news later that night that Bolton had got a point at Southampton and we were probably going down. 

Into that breach stepped Trevor Brooking as caretaker manager, while alleged club legend Paolo di Canio pondered whether to return from a self imposed strike in Italy to play for the club. First up was a trip to mid table Manchester City, who were a long way from being the Manchester City we know and hate today, but were still much better then us. 

In a tense, end to end affair we eventually snatched a late winner when Don Hutchison hit the post from about four inches out only for the ball to fortuitously rebound to Freddie Kanoute who tapped in the winner from two inches. In the end, it wasn't enough as we famously went down with 42 points and half the England team. But still, for a few minutes in Manchester it seemed we might escape. 


32. Blackburn Rovers (h) 2-1 : 2007/08 Premier League

(Ashton (39), Sears (81) - Santa Cruz (19))

Much of the Alan Curbishley era was characterised by a kind of stolid nothingness that seemed designed to tempt fans into wishing for something more. And so it was, and I'm not sure we ever really appreciated quite how hard it is to stay in the Premier League without an Eastenders style drama every single season. 

By the time this game rolled around in March 2008, we were firmly stuck in 10th place and never destined to move from it. With Craig Bellamy having moved on, much of the buzz among the fanbase was around the prospective arrival of some young players from the Academy at last. Jack Collison, James Tomkins and Freddie Sears would all debut that season, with the latter causing the greatest excitement with his remarkable goalscoring feats in the youth set up. 

A moment - an undeniable moment

At the point we played Rovers we were coming off three consecutive 4-0 defeats to Chelsea, Liverpool and Spurs, and Curbishley was given what I believe I am contractually obliged to refer to as "the dreaded vote of confidence" by the Board. It seems odd to say now but the clamour for the inclusion of Sears was rapidly becoming a crescendo. Fans were demanding that the 18 year old be given his chance. 

However, when Roque Santa Cruz smartly gave the visitors an early lead it looked like Curbishley was on the ropes again before Dean Ashton equalised with a typically excellent goal just before half time. 

The second half was pretty even before Sears entered the fray with a quarter of an hour to go. Within just 6 minutes he ran on to an Ashton backheel and although his shot was saved, the rebound popped up perfectly for him to head in a debut winner. Generally this would be considered an unremarkable, unnoticed game in a typically grey season but on that day, in that moment when the crowd seemed to suck the ball into the net it seemed like substantially more. 

Sears would end up forging a solid career with Ipswich Town, while it was actually Collison and Tomkins who would go on to be excellent Premier League performers, but his debut was an electric lightning bolt across the sky. Anyone who was there will never forget it. 


31. Middlesbrough (N) 1-0 : 2005/06 FA Cup 

(Harewood (78))

I'm not sure exactly what this game is best remembered for. 

Perhaps it was the emotional pre match tribute to the recently deceased John Lyall, when a minutes silence became a stadium wide chant of "Johnny Lyall's claret and blue army". Or maybe it was the moment when goalscorer Marlon Harewood was asked in his post match interview whether he felt West Ham had really only turned up at half time, and he replied by saying "No, we've been here all day". 

Instead, it's probably true that a largely forgettable game is best remembered for the moment that Dean Ashton headed on a long ball and Harewood controlled it, held off Gareth Southgate and smashed home a glorious winner. Fittingly this game took place at Villa Park, which was famously the site of our last FA Cup semi final twenty five years previously. On that day a Tony Gale red card had ended a glorious cup run, but instead here we prevailed and advanced to a memorable, yet traumatic final with Liverpool. 

The hangover from this cup run continues to this day. It doesn't help that everybody rotates their team for cup games these days and with bigger teams now having such large, strong squads that the gap between us and them is now a canyon. But fans still fixate on this season, and argue that the couple of league places that we sacrificed to have this cup run were completely worth it. And maybe they are right, because there haven't been many better feelings in the last thirty years than watching Marlon Harewood smash that fucker in and send us to a cup final. 

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In Retro - The 50 Best West Ham Games of the Premier League Era (50 - 41)

50. Cambridge United (h) 2-0 : 1992/93 Division 1
(Speedie (47), C Allen (90))

In a tremendously on brand turn of events, West Ham voted for the creation of the Premier League and then promptly got relegated before it could begin. So we begin our list of the best games of the Premier League era in the newly created Division 1. Excellent. 

This was a slightly curious match for me, as I queued for the only time in my life to try and get into the South Bank on the day of its farewell. Perhaps unsurprisingly I was left locked out and ended up following this game through the medium of radio, garbled messages on the Barking Road, crowd noises and quite possibly the TV, but I can't recall exactly. Either way it's one of the few games on here that I didn't see in the flesh. 

With this being the final day of the season we needed a win to secure our promotion to the Premier League  while Cambridge needed a victory to stay up. A nervy first half was helped along by news that promotion rivals Portsmouth were losing to Grimsby and things improved further when David Speedie smashed in a smart opener two minutes after the break. This was a particularly weird plot twist as Speedie may well be the most hated West Ham player of my lifetime. 

A nervy half would follow as Portsmouth took the lead in their game, and Cambridge had a goal narrowly ruled out for offside, but Ian Bishop and Julian Dicks combined to set up Clive Allen for a last minute tap in. By this point the stands were overflowing to the point that fans were simply standing on the touchline and a pitch invasion soon followed. Never has so much Bukta been seen in one place. 


 49. Sheffield Wednesday (h) 4-3 : 1999/00 Premier League
(Wanchope (28), Di Canio (62 p), Foe (70), Lampard (76) - Rudi (38), Jonk (48), Booth (66))

When talking about Upton Park on a recent commentary, Gary Neville described it as having a "touch of madness" about it. By the end of the twentieth century, Harry Redknapp had built a team which epitomised this as he seemed to view defending as a sort of optional extra and in 1998/99 fashioned a team which somehow finished fifth in the league with a negative goal difference. That laissez faire approach to defensive organisation tended to lead to thumping away defeats but a succession of utterly crazy home games where no deficit seemed too great to overcome. 

In November 1999, we saw one such barnburner as bottom of the league Sheffield Wednesday rolled into town to face their hated old boy Paolo di Canio, and after 66 minutes were 3-2 up following a fantastic thumping header from Andy Booth. Shortly after, Danny Sonner was sent off for fouling di Canio and within six minutes two goals from Marc Viven-Foe and Frank Lampard had sealed a bonkers win. Wednesday would end up being relegated, which sort of seems fitting if you are so bad that you let Foe score against you. 


These two people do not look like they should be playing a professional sport against each other

48. Wolverhampton Wanderers (h) 3-1 : 1992/93 Division 1
(Morley (58), Dicks (63 p), Holmes (87) - Bull (57))

Sometimes games of football are not about football. In March 1993 Bobby Moore passed away and for the first time in my life I saw collective grief. I still vividly recall the sight of the Upton Park gates being draped with flowers and scarves of all teams, and the pindrop minutes silence before the game as the players gathered around a floral number 6 in the middle of the pitch. This felt like less of a football match and more a kind of communal memorial wake. 

We fell behind to a fabulous goal from Steve Bull, before Trevor Morley equalised almost immediately with a goal that featured Julian Dicks decapitating a man in the buildup. Dicks briefly stopped the Highlander imitations to howitzer home a penalty to give us the lead, before Matt Holmes finished things off with a neatly taken third. I rarely believe in destiny but there are certain games that football teams simply are preordained to win, and this was one.




I think the general tone around Moore has become increasingly mawkish and sentimental but in 1993 there was a genuine and tangible sense of sadness that engulfed the ground that day. It was a fitting way to say goodbye. 


 47. Spurs (h) 2-1 : 1998/99 Premier League
(Sinclair (39, 46) - Armstrong (72))

The first of a number of games against Spurs, although there is an argument that this shouldn't make the cut given the utter mediocrity of late 90's Tottenham sides. However, the importance of this result was that it saw us go second in the table as we moved into December. We would promptly drop to sixth by losing 4-0 at Leeds a week later but that's both beside and exactly the point. This was an unusually upwardly mobile side, filled with all the inconsistency of a West Ham Nineties team. 

This match was highlighted by brilliant performances from Eyal Berkovic, who ran rings around a pedestrian Spurs midfield, and Trevor Sinclair who bagged both goals to win the game. The second, in particular, was a fantastic outside of the foot finish as he ran on to an inch perfect through ball from Paul Kitson. 

We may roll our eyes at the continuous playground taunts from our North London friends about these games being our cup finals, but we can't ignore that they just carry a bit more weight than the average London derby. This period marked possibly the only extended time in my fandom where we were clearly better than Spurs. 


This might well be in the top ten most famous games in Premier League history, but I can't quite bring myself to place it higher given the relative lack of meaning for us. I'd rather celebrate achievements of our own than the failure of others. Still, this was one of those games to tell the grandkids that well, yes, you were there. 

With this being the final game of the season, we went into the match safe from relegation whereas Manchester United needed to win in order to try and snatch the title from Blackburn Rovers. We took a deserved first half lead through a smart Michael Hughes finish, after which things descended into an hourlong attack versus defence exercise which primarily involved Andy Cole wasting gilt edged chances as Ludek Miklosko had the game of his life. 


Paul Ince in a Manchester United shirt!

Brian McClair equalised in the second half but we held on, which was just as well for Blackburn as they had fluffed their lines totally at Anfield and lost 2-1. In the end, a win would have been enough for Alex Ferguson but for the second time in quick succession he was denied at Upton Park, and our reputation as a bellwether away fixture for potential champions was cemented. 

This also had the added effect of denying a league title to hated former player Paul Ince, and cementing one for the popular alumni Tony Gale, which was a nice moment if you are into such things. Which we all undeniably are. 

 45. Reading (a) 3-0  : 2007/08 Premier League
(Bellamy (6), Etherington (49, 90))

One of our more curious rivalries that has sprung up in recent years is the one we have with Reading. It stems back to the time we poached Alan Pardew from them, continued as we edged them out of the 2004-05 playoffs, went on through their 6-0 drubbing of us in the dreadful 2006-07 season and then back into the Championship when Jack Collison made himself something of a hero by clobbering Jimmy Kebe after the latter started showboating on yet another a typically dire away day at the Madjeski. 

In the midst of all that came a simultaneous moment of redemption and a glimpse into a future we would never have. Alan Curbishley presided over that 6-0 defeat on New Years Day 2007 and thus will have taken great pleasure in this thumping win just eight months later. 

For the first time, Craig Bellamy started a game alongside Dean Ashton, and the two were soon causing Reading all sorts of problems. Bellamy opened the scoring after just six minutes, and then combined to set up Matthew Etherington for the first of two excellent goals just a minute into the second half. That dream strike pairing looked tremendous and for the first time in years, fans began to ponder what a really good team might look like. Naturally they would start just one more game together before Ashton was lost to injury and Bellamy had agitated his way to Manchester City. But for one glorious afternoon at the Madjeski, we had something to dream on. 


 44. Blackburn (h) 2-0 : 1994/95 Premier League
(Rieper (50), Hutchison (83))

Just weeks before denying Manchester United the title, we had chucked a similar spanner in the works of Blackburn Rovers who visited us with an 8 point lead over Manchester United and the title seemingly sewn up. By contrast we were in the bottom four, which was material as this was the season that four teams were to be relegated in order to reduce the Premier League to twenty. 

Although we were unbeaten in six, the congested table and a lack of wins was causing great consternation, particularly with Blackburn, Liverpool and Manchester United still to play. As it was we turned in a fabulous performance and deservedly beat the champions elect. The first goal came from Marc Rieper, recipient of one of my favourite Harry Redknapp quotes ("He's 6"4, speaks perfect English and looks like Superman. We all hate him"), and the game was wrapped up with a late Don Hutchison winner. In between we kept the famous SAS partnership of Shearer and Sutton in check, and made the title race interesting again. Not a bad days work. 


43. Southampton (h) 2-1 : 1996/97 Premier League
(Hughes (73), Dicks (81p) - Heaney (19))

Our 1996/97 season was, by anyone's standards, bonkers. We began with a forward line of Steve Jones and Iain Dowie, cycled through Tony Cottee and Mike Newell, briefly flirted with Florin Raducioiu and Paulo Futre before desperately bringing in John Hartson and Paul Kitson to save the season in February.

And while the campaign is probably best remembered for a typical late season surge to avoid relegation, there was also this insane early season game which might be one of the most purely entertaining matches seen at Upton Park in the twentieth century.  

By August we were something of an oddity in the Premier League as we dabbled with bringing in large numbers of overseas players and briefly earned the nickname of the West Ham United Nations before bigger clubs began to do the same. Against an all British XI from Southampton - albeit one featuring the brilliant Matthew Le Tissier - we turned in a barmy performance that involved us going a goal behind and then simply throwing on attackers until we eventually snatched a late win through Michael Hughes and a Julian Dicks penalty. Francis Benali then added a nicely stereotypical red card to proceedings by attempting to murder Futre in the dying minutes. 


Famous West Ham No 10 Paulo Futre

The highlight of the day was unquestionably seeing Futre briefly conjuring memories of his former self, a brilliant player who joined us far too late in his career to ever be much more than a ghost of the artisan who had graced Europe priorly. By the end of this game we essentially had a two man midfield of Hughes and Danny Williamson, with a forward line of Futre, Ilie Dumitrescu, Florin Raducioiu and Iain Dowie. Can't imagine how we ended up in a relegation battle. 

I've linked to the full, albeit grainy, Match of the Day recap for this one. It's well worth eight minutes of your time.

42. Manchester City (N) 0-3 : 2018/19 Women's FA Cup Final
( - Walsh (52), Stanway (81), Hemp (88))

Sometimes you can win while losing. Not often, but sometimes. This was one such occurrence as the newly professional West Ham Women made a remarkable run to the FA Cup final, before bravely falling to the better funded, better paid and, well, just better Manchester City. 

This should have been the best attended Women's FA Cup Final in history, with two Premier League clubs and one based in London but the FA ended those hopes by scheduling the game on the same Saturday as a full slate of Premier League games. With the the men at home to Southampton, and the Premier League refusing to rearrange the kick off time, the game attracted "only" 43,264 which was a pretty good effort in the circumstances, but a terribly missed opportunity as 50,000 potential fans went to the London Stadium instead of this game. It bemuses me that the authorities still seem to believe that the key to the success of the professional women's game is attracting new fans rather than trying to build on the back of established fanbases. 



West Ham actually had the better of the first half as their psychopathic work rate restricted City admirably, and indeed they should have taken the lead but Jane Ross was denied by a smart save from Karen Bardsley with a point blank header. They faded badly in the second half, however, although conceding two in the last nine minutes put an unfairly one sided slant to the result. 

But, in the wider scheme of things, this wasn't so much about the outcome but the simple fact that women were able to represent West Ham at Wembley. After decades of male oppression, to hear "Bubbles" ring around the national stadium while eleven women wore our colours with distinction felt like a seismic moment. To have been able to witness it with my daughter made it even more special. Watching players like Claire Rafferty, Adriana Leon, Kate Longhurst and Gilly Rafferty run themselves into the ground for our club - her club - was something worth waiting a long time to see. 


 41. Leicester (h) 4-3 : 1997/98 Premier League
(Lampard (15), Abou (31, 74), Sinclair (65) - Cottee (59, 83), Heskey (66))

I don't think it's all that much of a surprise that a large number of these games take place on the final day of the season, when our tremendously "ahfuckit" approach to defending really comes into its own. 

This was an absurd game, that could as easily have taken place on a school playground as a Premier League pitch. Both teams entered the day with an outside shot at qualifying for Europe which was a pretty good achievement as we couldn't even get a sponsor in those days. 

We raced out into a two goal lead with excellent strikes from Frank Lampard and Samassi Abou, before Tony Cottee dragged Leicester back into it with a smart finish. Trevor Sinclair and Emile Heskey then exchanged goals before Abou seemingly sealed it with another fine finish. However, Cottee popped up with another late strike to leave us all squirming for the final ten minutes as Leicester employed a Rush Goalie and we tried out the hitherto alien concept of trying to stop them scoring. 

We finished the season in eighth position, albeit we should really have finished higher but for a disastrous end to the campaign, which saw us win just two of our final eight fixtures. Looking back I don't think we ever really got over the disappointment of losing two cup quarter finals to Arsenal in the same season, including an FA Cup penalty shoot out that was apparently scripted by Morrisey. 




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